28 5 / 2013

AC: No!! No that is not the right answer. Men everywhere have unanimously taken his penis from him! He doesn’t deserve it!

14 5 / 2013

DMW - You’re like the NPH of women… beautiful and talented, but malicious and Dr. Horrible-y.

14 5 / 2013

AK - Can I have one of your new dresses?
L - No. They were only $12, go order your own.AK - If I pick your nose, can I have one?
L - I AM NOT LETTING YOU PICK MY NOSE FOR A DRESS.

26 4 / 2013

AG - I want to open two restaurants: A pho place called Viet Nom Nom Nom and another place called Sum Yung Ho which will be a Chinese buffet/strip club. Failsafe plans.

26 4 / 2013

L - I dropped the medicine ball and I bent over to pick it up and he saw my cleavage. In medieval times, that would be a scandal! We would have to be married, but at first I would refuse out of respect for myself. And then I would give in, and we would fall magically in love.

AC - All I hear is “Two million dollar homes in the OBX” just repeated over and over.

L - Yeah… but he’s 18.

AC - He could be a terrorist and I would still fuck him for those houses. Just leave me with enough body parts to make it to the beach, I don’t care.

26 4 / 2013

L - GUYS. The hot guy at the gym. He’s Mike’s cousin. His parents are both doctors and they have TWO million dollar homes in OBX. But his name is Dan. And he’s a Freshman. But he has a 12 pack. And he’s bio-E, so he’s got some brains.

AC - I’ll take him. You don’t like the name Dan? You know what name I really like? Two million dollar homes in OBX. That is a beautiful name to me.

L - Guys. I’m so excited. I’m like shitting bricks right now. Okay, maybe not bricks, that might hurt my asshole. But still really excited.

23 4 / 2013

MH - I just got a facebook. Not a number, the man gave me his facebook. Is this the new thing? Am I supposed to FB message him?

23 4 / 2013

MH - Let’s assess the situation: you are holding something round and tapered in a gay bar…

23 4 / 2013

K - Statutory rape?

AG - No, her dad won’t say anything. He passed away on Friday.

L - Funeral crashing. Show up looking fly as shit in a black suit, acting all remorseful, then hit it and quit it.

23 4 / 2013

AG - You realize that the three of us together could solve the world’s problems? A Physicist, a Chemist, and a Biologist.

L - I would say I value drinking over curing cancer. Just saying.